Posted by: alphafemme | December 27, 2009

would you like some heteronormativity with your turkey?

I’m over how my uncle talks about “the gays” as if we were some exotic species, and asks me weird personal questions about my relationship that he doesn’t ask my sister about hers (with a guy).

I’m over having phone conversations with mi’lady about what we’re up to with our respective families that include sentences like “this would be awkward for you” or “I don’t quite know how you would fit into this.”

I’m over trying to explain to old friends from high school why I don’t want to hang out with their ultra-Christian crowd.

I’m over having my sister tell me that she’s got it worse because “at least people don’t constantly ask you when you’re getting married.”

I’m over my mom saying “just get over it, of course people act weird about something they don’t get.”

I’m over being told by my dad, yet again, that he doesn’t see how people can have the “same kind of relationship” with non-biological progeny.

I’m over how my brother finds guys who really “shove it in your face” that they’re gay distasteful.

I’m over feeling self-conscious about recommending a book or movie to someone if it happens to have a queer character or sub-theme (because what if I’M one of those people who “shoves it in your face”?).

I’m over “OMG that’s SOOOO GAY!”

I’m over being left out of conversations about what everyone in the family is up to “because it could be uncomfortable.”

I’m over censoring myself in order to avoid making other people feel uncomfortable about something that’s so vital and important to who I am.

I’m over small-town USA.

I’m over how being around our families completely squelches our ability to be sexual with each other, even by distance.

I’m over being irrelevant to her Playing Straight life.

I’m over playing it straight in my own life.

I’m over sleeping by myself.

I’m fucking over it.

I can’t wait to go home. Four more days.



  1. The holiday season can be so stressful. Here’s to hoping the next few days go quickly so you can get back to your regularly scheduled life.

  2. Now that was a good rant. At least there’s an end in sight to all of it. Hang on tight and then come home.

  3. definitely great rant…makes me a little heated. i’m so over it too.

  4. I can definitely relate to a lot of this! Great rant for the holiday season.

  5. i don’t think you’re alone in this. i’ve heard the same from others. so sorry.
    but hey–it’s almost over and new years eve awaits!

  6. I came across your blog courtesy of ‘stumbleupon’, and I am completely amazed; your honesty and positivity is an inspiration to our generation. The more I read through your blog anthology, the more excited I become to discover what the future holds for you.

    And for the record? Most of us are experiencing similar holidays; despite whether we are out or not. It’ll all be over soon :-)

    • thanks so much! I’m touched by your comment. I’m so glad to know I’ve got others with me on my journey :)

      and yes, holidays are ALMOST over! two more days until I’m back home in SF :)

  7. Here, here – Well said! Not long now…

  8. As someone who has gone through similar holidays, I can identify with how sometimes it just sucks. It’s almost over, so that’s a good thing. Hang in there.

  9. Until I learned to accept and be comfortable with my life style I allowed other people to define how I was to act. Now I let them own their own feelings and I’m living authentically as ME and I’ve never been happier.

    I was 50 when that happened. I hope you can come to that point much sooner.

    • I’m working on it. Easier said than done. As I’m sure you know. I think the ranting is part of the process! I’m glad you’ve reached a place of living authentically, though; it gives me hope that I’ll get there too.

  10. E-fucking-xactly. Amen.

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